About a year ago, my husband and I moved from a two-bedroom apartment to another two-bedroom apartment in a different complex. The previous one had a pest control problem, and without going into detail, let’s just say we couldn’t wait to pack up the baby and run. The new place (aside from being bug-free, the biggest relief) also has a washer/dryer in the unit, covered parking, and excellent management. Many things that I continually praise God for! It’s funny, though, how sinful our hearts are and what types of things cause us to turn away from our Shepherd.
Because as we were nearing the end of our previous lease, we knew we couldn’t stay there but all the other options seemed unrealistic. Rent has skyrocketed in the area we wanted to live, and it seemed like such a waste to keep pouring money into something we didn’t own. As far as buying, I’ve never really desired to own a house, except maybe when I retire. Renting has many benefits, including the freedom to move around without too many strings attached and not having to pay for maintenance issues. Of course, I’m not ignorant to the benefits of owning, it just seemed more practical to rent based on the direction our family is headed.
But the devil has a way of taking a good thing and twisting it for his own purposes. Because in spite of that, as soon as I saw all my friends getting married and buying houses, suddenly I wanted one too. Maybe it was brought on by the desperation to leave our pest problems behind and the fear that we might face similar issues in another place. Whatever the reason, I became obsessed with buying a house. For a few months, I was surfing real estate sites and comparing prices of different areas, calculating how long it would take to pay off loans, and budgeting for the improvements we would make 5 years down the line.
Crazy, I know. I’ve always been future-focused, but sometimes that long vision causes me to be blind to what’s in front of my face. And in this case, it was the simple fact that we’re not ready to buy a house. It’s just not where God wants us right now, and I’ve known that for a long time.
So what happened? In the way He usually works, God orchestrated a few things that opened my eyes to the true nature of my dreaming. I just started reading The Envy of Eve by Melissa B. Kruger for a women’s bible study, and halfway through the first chapter, I felt like she had written it for me. After all, her personal story of living in a tiny flat in Edinburgh, Scotland just hit too close to home. I could relate to her attitude of “if only my laundry wasn’t down the hall, I’d have so much more time” or “wouldn’t it be great to have a larger fridge so I didn’t have to grocery shop multiple times a week?” and so on. Yet she brought to light the underlying issue beneath such thoughts: covetousness.
To paraphrase what she says in her book (which I recommend, as it’s a convicting read), we all have desires, but those desires are a problem when they turn into coveting, which in turn can lead to other sins such as envy, greed, and lust. Ultimately, it boils down to a lack of trust in God to provide for us.
As I take a look at my own life and seek out the areas where I’m not trusting God, I know contentment in my circumstances is one of them. There seems to be a disconnect between my head and my heart, because I know the will He has for me and the promises He gives, yet I still find myself in rebellion towards that plan.
In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul rejoices at God’s provision and writes a famous and oft-quoted verse: “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Often I’m tempted to think, that’s great if all your desires are met, but what about the rest of us? Except that later in verse 19 he goes on to say, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Oh. Every need, not every want.
Another passage this brings to mind comes from Jesus’ sermon on the mount in Matthew. He gives the example in chapter 6 verses 25-34 of the birds of the air and the flowers of the field, neither of which work the earth or toil in labor, yet God provides them with what they need. In the same passage, Jesus exhorts us not to be anxious because no amount of worrying can make things better. My favorite verse in this section is 33, which says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Isn’t it funny how we must first seek God’s will before He blesses us? I’m not suggesting that God is like a vending machine who receives the payment of prayer or good deeds then spits out what we ask for. I’m also not saying that we only receive blessings when we’re in God’s will. There are plenty of people living apart from God who are “blessed” with riches, good health, and other worldly things. What I am trying to get at is simply this: when we are living lives pleasing to God, we don’t have to worry if He will meet our needs. The answer is yes, He provides for His children what is good for them.
We don’t always understand what God sees as good because we are flawed humans without His eternal perspective. But if we trust Him enough to give our lives to Him, then we should also trust that whatever we’ve been given is for our good. Does that mean our lives will be free of trouble and tough situations? No. But whether we’re facing storms or sunshine, we can rest assured knowing that God will provide through it all.
Maybe it’s not in God’s plan for me to be the next Joanna Gaines, but I can still be a good steward of the home He’s given me. I don’t need a ranch or a million-dollar view to be content. Because where I’m at is right where He placed me for this time, and there’s much work to do while I’m still on this earth. All I can strive for is to be faithful in the resources I’ve been given so that Christ’s name is glorified, no matter the circumstances.