I don’t care for flying. Motion sickness aside, I hate the feeling of being out of control of my circumstances. Though I may trust the pilot, my instincts tell me I should be where my feet could run from danger. But there’s no running on a plane.
And sometimes, the aircraft doesn’t land when it’s scheduled. I’ve been stuck on a plane circling, waiting for clearance. In those moments, my anxiety escalates to frustration. I’m so close to the destination but unable to disembark. Though there’s any number of reasons for a holding pattern, my limited knowledge often gets in the way of peace.
I’ve faced many periods of waiting. In the midst of the holding pattern, my heart can get discouraged. I’ve followed God’s leading—why isn’t anything happening? I’m tempted to move out of God’s will because surely, waiting isn’t what He intended for me.
My journey to publication is one such pattern.
Boarding Call
In September 2021 my brother encouraged me to revisit a manuscript that had lain dormant for nearly a decade. Sensing the Lord’s hand in my new endeavor, I threw myself into writing like I hadn’t for years. The time is ripe for writing. That was the assurance I received from the Holy Spirit. It took me until March 2022 to finish the complete overhaul, no small feat for a 150k word novel by its end.
Departure
Then, months of stasis. My inaction during the year of 2022 reflected many spiritual, physical, and mental struggles during that time. Did I know what God had called me to? Absolutely. Did I trust He would provide a way? Most of the time. Was I committed to the task even when I couldn’t see the destination? Well…
On the drive home from Thanksgiving with my in-laws—a toddler and a newborn in tow—my husband asked out of the blue when I was going to publish my book. What? Since when did he care? He’d been supportive of my writing and endured some neglect while I feverishly drafted the book, but publishing? I hadn’t even finished my revisions. When I voiced as much, he replied with, “end of January. Then you find somewhere to publish.”
Okay, God. I’m listening now.
By February 2023, I signed my contract with Redemption Press, a publisher I’d learned about two years prior at a women’s retreat, of all places. Giddy with excitement, I invested in myself as a business—website, social media, consistent work times. The only thing standing in my way of having a published book was $28,000. No big deal.
Holding Pattern
So I raised money. I sent letters, I budgeted, I took on new projects to generate income. Through that first year, the fire raged within me. Even when discouragement knocked at the door, my assurance of God’s plan never wavered. Even when I saw others around me achieving their dreams, my heart was steadfast.
A year passed. But I still circled above my destination. My line edits were finished, the book’s artwork was moving along, but that dollar sign felt as big as ever. Despite many generous donations from friends and family excited to read my book, the end seemed like a distant dream.
Flash forward to February 2024—I attended a writing workshop hosted by Redemption Press. There, God put a woman in my path who would go on to become a friend and writing mentor. A few months later, I suddenly understood why God had me waiting so long.
Clearance to Land
My friend gently encouraged me to edit my book again. Why? It’s already good, thanks to line edits. Revisiting it would push my timeline back even further. But here’s what the Lord spoke to me in that moment—my timing is not His timing. He never promised an end date. But He did call me to give my best work for His glory, and if that meant another round of edits, so be it.
And as I’ve worked faithfully on edits since June 2024, I see His faithfulness daily. My writing style has changed, thanks to investing time in improving my craft. My network has grown, an organic result of pursuing the long road to publishing. My trust in God has blossomed, courtesy of His gentle pruning. My story’s excess has been cut away, leaving room for its message to flourish.
Most excitingly, He provides bountifully. After months of editing which required a near-complete rewrite, I received a gift towards my book that brought my cost to $0. Suddenly, that huge mountain was reduced to rubble like the walls of Jericho before me.
Arrival
I can see the destination before me as the Pilot guides me there, but my journey isn’t over. I still have 25% left of my manuscript to edit by the end of the year. My focus is split between projects as I prepare for a future book launch and holiday prep. Discouragement still makes frequent social calls as I worry every other book I write will follow the same path as this one. And I battle the ugly doubt whispering all my work will be for nothing—nobody will care.
But the Holy Spirit’s assurance rings louder than the shadows—I’m called to this. And no matter what may come on the way, every switchback and valley has its place in the Kingdom.
So it’s fitting that the perfect verse to summarize my journey is the same one woven into the fabric of Redemption Press: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
The road ahead may still be long, but I see the purpose in the holding pattern—sometimes I have to wait for God to orchestrate the ending of my story. Even if the season feels like forever, there’s a reason for the waiting.
One response to “Purpose in the Holding Pattern”
Congratulations!! I am soooooo proud of you Syd!!